Why Hang Onto Old Friends?

I've noticed that as I get older many of my friends have been fading into the background. I wonder why this happens. Is it something I did? Maybe lack of time... interest... common ground? Or is it something they did? Maybe they don't pick up the phone enough or make the same effort? This situation has happened to multiple friends of mine lately, so I figured it's worth blogging about.

I find it interesting how hard it is for people to say, "Enough." We want to hold onto old memories so badly that it impairs our judgment for years. Sometimes these friendships are worth saving and can be mended... while other friendships just keep us in denial for far too long. Will that person change back into the good person you used to see? While I'd like to say yes, the more realistic answer, is no.

After putting up with malicious attacks covered up as, "just poking fun," I can't help but wonder the repercussions of cutting off this particular friendship (or lack thereof). Will I regret the decision down the road? Will I look back and think it was a premature move?

It gets to a point where a friendship is so deteriorated that hanging onto it is honestly ridiculous if you were to weigh the pros and cons. You realize how little that person's opinion actually affects your life and how negative they usually are.

So once you make the decision to say to yourself, "I no longer want this lifelong friend to be involved in my life," do you go out with a bang? Or do you just let what's already started just run its course?

I'm more of a dramatic person and like telling people why I no longer want to be their friend... but really that's only for my benefit. In the long run, that's a terrible idea because it opens up room for arguing and attacks on your character for bringing up the fact that, *gasp* you're friendship isn't what it used to be. In other words: what is the point of telling someone why you no longer want to be their friend when you don't want to talk to them anymore and you know they won't change? To help them out? Trust me, it won't.

It's almost like people need that sense of closure. You try your best to make a friendship work, and in a last ditch effort you tell the person why they suck in the hopes that they'll go, "Oh no! Please be my friend! I can change!" If they haven't changed in the last few years, they probably won't change any time soon.

Maybe people announce the end of the friendship because they think they "owe" them an explanation due to the length of time they spent together? I'm really not sure. What I do know is that some friendships drain the life out of you, and if you don't bail at some point they are going to continue to drain the life out of you. It's as simple as that.

I once said to an ex-friend, "I want my friends to be strong and independent; to make good decisions that better themselves. I do all in my power to help support my friends so they can work up to their full potential (and I hope they’d do the same for me), but with you it seems hopeless. If your view on life is always going to be negative then I don’t want you to be around me. I want my friends to be positive about life in general, including the future."

So with that being said, I will further ponder why I'm still pondering about whether or not to keep certain people in my life. It should be just as easy as saying, "Enough."