Dating & Marriage

I felt like venting after feeling frustrated over this. It seems like once you hit a certain age, marriage is a very popular topic. It makes sense, since a lot of people get married in their 20s-30s. However, I am surprised more and more by how people can make a situation relate to marriage when it really isn't even called for, just to make it relate to marriage.

Let me back up for a minute before I get into this. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 5 years now. I usually get one of two reactions when I tell people this bit of information. They either say, "Wow that's great!"(translation: I haven't been in a serious relationship for that long, good for you) or, "Wow that's a long time!" (translation: Why aren't you married yet?).

It seems the longer I am in this relationship, the more I get the latter of the two. People only hear that we've been dating for 5 years, they don't think about how I was 18 when we first started dating. Now, some people may think it's a great idea to get married that young (and it may work out great for them), however I am not one of those people. If my boyfriend asked me to get married at 18, I would have looked at him like he was a crazy person. Lol.

Right now my boyfriend and I live together. We take things in baby steps and didn't move in together until we had dated for 3 years. It worked out well for me because again, I was young when we first started dating. Moving in with him was another big thing because my parents didn't accept it right away. That was expected, but what I didn't expect was all of the negative comments from friends. People would say things like, "You guys are going to fight all the time!" and, "He'll never ask you to marry him now that you guys live together." I can see the concern for both, but I was surprised that they didn't feel our relationship was better than that after 3 years.

As of now we've been living together for 2 years now, and we haven't killed each other, lol. Sure there are some bumps when we yell about stupid things like whose turn it is to do the dishes... but no huge arguments. I love living with him, and I think it was a great decision. Looking back, I now see (and hear) from these friends about how they are constantly yelling and screaming with their significant others or husbands. I wonder if they were really ever right for each other to begin with. No wonder they gave me the advice they did, if that's what they live with!

So now that my boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years, people wonder what the next step is for the two of us. We've talked about getting married, and we probably will within the next few years or so. It's funny, I take the concept of marriage very seriously and yet some people can go up to someone they have been dating for 5 minutes and talk about how they are going to have kids someday. While we've talked about marriage and kids and all of that, we waited until we lived together to really talk about it seriously. With divorce rates as high as they are, I think we owed it to each other to only talk about it seriously.

Now the topic of marriage has been brought up a lot lately from friends and family, which I understand (and expect to some degree). What cracks me up is people I barely know that work with my boyfriend or people I barely know from school will start asking me all these questions! Here is some of the recent advice/questions I've received:

"Why aren't you married? You should just get it over with. Rip it off like a band-aid." <-- How romantic!

"You haven't bugged him enough to ask you to marry him yet." <-- Nagging is the answer? Who knew!

"You can't tell him what to do until you have a ring on your finger." <-- I always wondered why guys were scared of getting married... there's the answer!

"Start dropping lots of hints... like showing him what rings you like." <-- Pretty sure that's not a subtle "hint" lol.

"Tell his friends to start bugging him." <-- Great idea. Why not ask his family too? Creepy.

"Getting married will help your financial aid!" <-- True, but that really isn't the first thing I think of when I think about the reasons I want to get hitched, lol.

I've gone to friends and told them about troubles only for them to somehow loop back around to the problem REALLY being about the fact that we aren't married yet. Example:

Me: "I don't think he listens to me."

Friend: "Well you can't expect him to until you guys are married."

Me: (thinking) Wtf?

Stuff like that. What's also humorous to me is I have a lot of advice from people that haven't been in a serious relationship ever, or people who are single, or people who have only been in bad relationships. It's like, really? You want me to take advice from you?

But you can't say that... cause they are your friends... and that would be rude... etc etc. Lol.

All this talk about marriage makes me not want to talk about it at all anymore. I don't even want to hear the word. Isn't that awful? Just typing it makes me go, "Aw that's terrible..." Lol. It's like, God forbid things happen naturally. You gotta nudge a little...and by nudge a little I mean throw some gas into the flames! Lol. I don't know, it's just crazy to me.

So if anyone out there has any other really funny advice they were given to them, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Dog Ownership - Are You Ready?

I've wanted a pet dog for years, but there were always reasons not to get one. There probably always will be.

I live in an apartment, so the dog would have to be small-medium. My sister just had a baby a year ago, so the animal would be exposed to little ones. My income is very small as I am a full time student. I would be the only one around to train the dog essentially (my boyfriend lives with me so he'd help when he could). Oh, and we also own two cats, and everyone in our family own dogs. So as you can see, my standards have limited me to size, and to dogs that love just about everything: kids, cats, and other dogs.

So as I listen to my neighbor above me singing her heart out above me, I'll pour my heart out to all of you on how I'm sick of hearing about all of the reasons why I shouldn't be a dog owner. That being said, I understand a dog is a huge commitment. People need to understand the basics: can you feed the dog, take it to the vet, get the dog groomed, take the time to train the animal (especially if it's a puppy)...etc. I get it.

I've spent the last few years back and forth with my boyfriend on getting a dog. I've looked into different breeds that would make us both happy in the space and time we have. I think we found a great match but if I hear, "Are you sure you can handle this?" one more time I'm going to scream. I know deep down that all my pets are very spoiled, happy and behave well... why must everyone chew away at my confidence? I wonder how many potentially good pet owners have been scared away by all the commitment?

After poking around on the internet I discovered that there are a LOT of good websites out there that acknowledge all the commitment in a much more positive light. Yes it will be work, but it will be a rewarding process. Yes the dog will cost money but you will have gained a lifelong companion by your side. So far the best training site I've found was on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/kikopup So far she doesn't have anything posted on basic house training... but she did offer a variety of other commands, from basics like sit and stay, walking, leaving food alone (http://www.youtube.com/user/kikopup#p/a/F09632A4A4BD3DDC/2/zNAOe1djDyc) my personal favorite, to tricks and fun games you can play with your dogs.

I've been to a lot of rescue days held around where I live to check out what animals are up for adoption. I must admit it's unsettling when you hear people say, "Oooo! I want that puppy!" without even looking at what type of breed the dog is. I even saw a popular website post Mastiff puppies (http://media.photobucket.com/image/Mastiff/madcapster/mastiff.jpg) under the, "small breed" section! If people don't do their homework and impulse buy, I can see how rescuers and breeders become so protective of their dogs.

The point is, if you think you are ready to own a dog... don't let everyone suck all the fun out of it! If you are a responsible individual then the best place for that dog is with you. Best of luck to you all.

Why Hang Onto Old Friends?

I've noticed that as I get older many of my friends have been fading into the background. I wonder why this happens. Is it something I did? Maybe lack of time... interest... common ground? Or is it something they did? Maybe they don't pick up the phone enough or make the same effort? This situation has happened to multiple friends of mine lately, so I figured it's worth blogging about.

I find it interesting how hard it is for people to say, "Enough." We want to hold onto old memories so badly that it impairs our judgment for years. Sometimes these friendships are worth saving and can be mended... while other friendships just keep us in denial for far too long. Will that person change back into the good person you used to see? While I'd like to say yes, the more realistic answer, is no.

After putting up with malicious attacks covered up as, "just poking fun," I can't help but wonder the repercussions of cutting off this particular friendship (or lack thereof). Will I regret the decision down the road? Will I look back and think it was a premature move?

It gets to a point where a friendship is so deteriorated that hanging onto it is honestly ridiculous if you were to weigh the pros and cons. You realize how little that person's opinion actually affects your life and how negative they usually are.

So once you make the decision to say to yourself, "I no longer want this lifelong friend to be involved in my life," do you go out with a bang? Or do you just let what's already started just run its course?

I'm more of a dramatic person and like telling people why I no longer want to be their friend... but really that's only for my benefit. In the long run, that's a terrible idea because it opens up room for arguing and attacks on your character for bringing up the fact that, *gasp* you're friendship isn't what it used to be. In other words: what is the point of telling someone why you no longer want to be their friend when you don't want to talk to them anymore and you know they won't change? To help them out? Trust me, it won't.

It's almost like people need that sense of closure. You try your best to make a friendship work, and in a last ditch effort you tell the person why they suck in the hopes that they'll go, "Oh no! Please be my friend! I can change!" If they haven't changed in the last few years, they probably won't change any time soon.

Maybe people announce the end of the friendship because they think they "owe" them an explanation due to the length of time they spent together? I'm really not sure. What I do know is that some friendships drain the life out of you, and if you don't bail at some point they are going to continue to drain the life out of you. It's as simple as that.

I once said to an ex-friend, "I want my friends to be strong and independent; to make good decisions that better themselves. I do all in my power to help support my friends so they can work up to their full potential (and I hope they’d do the same for me), but with you it seems hopeless. If your view on life is always going to be negative then I don’t want you to be around me. I want my friends to be positive about life in general, including the future."

So with that being said, I will further ponder why I'm still pondering about whether or not to keep certain people in my life. It should be just as easy as saying, "Enough."